Finally some good news…

well I got some good news last week. One of the prescriptions ordered in my treatment costs $15000/month with a $3000/month co-pay (patient pays). That was quite a shock but then this special pharmacy’s finance department calls me, takes some simple info over phone, and then applies for some grant for folks like me with terminal cancer. Then another shock – the person says you’ve just a grant for the rest of 2021 and your co-pay will be ZERO! I was about blown away, and thought what a blessing and finally some good news! This drug costs $180,000/year with $36000/year in co-payments or $125/capsule. I’m taking $500/day of this medicine. Mind boggling! So that’s my good news…

Something hiding in plain sight – a hawk.

or I’ll just quietly disappear…

so they tell me I’ve got one year
if I do nothing and get no treatments
or I could last up to three years
but no guarantees that will happen
with their go to remedy for terminal cancer
they quickly add – they cannot cure it
so it’s a one way trip regardless
of what I decide to do about it
part of me wants to say ‘why bother?’
another part wants to please my loved ones
give them as long as possible
to get used to the idea and say their goodbyes
the doctors ask if I’m depressed
I laugh and say that’s been a life long friend
and what should I be – jumping for joy?
don’t worry – taking myself out
has never been an option considered
even though two of my siblings
have successfully taken that route
the pain of that was unbearable for sure
something I would never inflict on those still left
so you see if I sound pretty down under these days
I have one hell of a reason to be just that
but I’ll pull out of this roaring tail spin
upright this plane headed in a nose dive
smile as I have for so many years
be the sun until I completely burn out
or I’ll just quietly disappear…

(Copyright 04-26-21)

I remember letting go…

I remember letting go
the look of horror on your face
like an astronaut tethered to a spaceship
cutting the cord and just drifting
far out into the Milky way
further and further away from everything
you acted like it would never matter
I suppose it never did
everything must have an ending
earth to hot air balloon in orbit
this is ours…

(Copyright 04-25-21)

this life is but a song…

I‘m heading back to the golden circle
it’s where I really belong
gone are the dreams I carried with me
this life is but a song

over there my ideals lay shipwrecked
this world such a peculiar place
I’ll go just as I came in
leave not a single trace

the torch I carried, a bitter truth
that only the third eye can see
there were those that rather stay blind
then to take the journey with me

still in the end
it’s how it’s supposed to be
I released my grip without a care
others will certainly follow after me

to feel the things that I have felt
in a way I can’t define
now the angels gather round it seems
just a moment in place and time

perhaps they’ll be a slight vacuum soon
or the ground will rattle and shake
all those castles built so high in the air
tumbling down will be more than I could take

I’m heading back to the golden circle
it’s where I really belong
gone are the dreams I carried with me
this life is but a song…

(Copyright 04-17-21)